In the Beginning, the Universe was Created

*missed call from mom while cooking*
Me: *sends a picture of me cooking as an explanation*
Mom: *AGGRESSIVELY CALLS AGAIN*
Me: URG. FINE. *picks up and chews obnoxiously* I'M EATING.
Mom: Why are there no vegetables in your meal???
Me: ...this is made of onions, mushrooms, and pickled mustard.
Mom: Those are not real vegetables!
Me: ...why are you doing this it's 10pm at night.
Mom: Why are you eating at 10pm at night!! You'll get fat if you eat and go to bed!
Me: *LOUD OBNOXIOUS CHEWING NOISES*
Mom: ...Are you sure you don't want any of the--
Me: MOM. I am not going to wear any of that jewelry.
Mom: ...Your grandmother got you a Coach bag.
Me: And I am not going to wear that either.
Mom: *sighs* Why are you so high maintenance like that?
Me: ...are you kidding me, I literally do NOT want anything expensive and I'm high maintenance?
Mom: And when am I getting grandkids!
Me: You're not getting any.
Mom: When's Michael getting home, anyway? And I want those wedding photos!
Me: ...nag, nag, nag...
Mom: Of course I nag! It's because I care!
Me: Yes, but have you ever wondered if the reason I don't answer most of your questions is because if I do, you find something even worse to get on my case about?
Mom: ...well, it's hot here, and I'm bored.
Me: *RAGE AND OBNOXIOUS CHEWING NOISES INTENSIFIES*