shamera: merlin: taming the great dragon (merlin: dragonlord)
I had a dream about aliens and drowning and a psych ward and a baby. I dreamed I went crazy and destroyed a quarter of the world by wishing it, and of a very scary agent women months later who found out when she found my deluge of writing from that time on the back of pads that I had drowned in the garden. She found me and wanted to arrest me and I just laughed and laughed because even though I was responsible for so many deaths, was I really responsible when I had confessed in those writings to being crazy and that alien voices in my head asked to take my pain away and I had told those voices I wanted not only for the pain to end, but for so many people to die for not believing me? I never lifted a finger, but I didn't want to go with them so they killed more people looking for me wanting to take me away.

And in the dream I could breathe underwater, even though I didn't believe it myself. I was swimming and swimming in just a tiny section of a pond that was extraordinarily deep and there were spider webs that limited where I could go because the webs signaled where I needed to stay to be safe and a strict man who patrolled and wouldn't allow... anything not within regulations. That included sneakers, and he threw a girl's sneakers into the water and she cried, so I went and got it for her behind his back and kept it in the fridge.

There was a trip outside that I didn't want to go on because they kept us in our pajamas, and I tried to escape from the van in the middle of the highway, but that didn't work. They tried to take me for ice cream to appease me but I hated them and just ran away then... right back to where I came from and tried to hide in a dark corner. But they found me. It was funny in the dream- they all said they had my best intentions in mind while I went mad and destroyed so much of the world. They were all strict and were convinced I was delusional, except for the agent lady who wanted me responsible for my crimes, except they were crimes of craziness. How was she going to convict me on the basis of being the love of an alien race who wanted my happiness so they tried to kill everyone who made me unhappy?

I woke up wondering if this life was the dream that my crazed mind had come up with, and when I would find myself back in a world where I was accused of not only insanity, but of killing a quarter of the world.


shamera: Fuuma, Kamui, and Subaru cosplayers (Default)
Shamera K. Tsukishirou

December 2016

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